Too often people respond to a person who's become "religious" in a negative way. Like it's sad, a death even. To a non religious (and I'm using this term loosly as a generalization) person it can be like they're losing a friend or relative. They get defensive and start defending buddhism (as if it's a faith), even if they're not buddhists. They just happen to like some of his insights. They throw them around as if to prove that you don't have to be "religious" to be wise. As somebody who has studied buddhism extensively and explored many faith-like thought systems I can testify that chasing wisdom is an ego trip. I used to think myself wise because I had good insights, many which originated in buddhist thought. Oh what an egotist I was! It is only now through deeper study into creation through God's eyes that I realize what true wisdom is. As the scriptures say in Corinthians 1:19 "I will destroy the wisdom of the wise and discard the intelligence of the intelligent". God knows that no man is wise or intelligent, especially if he thinks he is! I am still insightful though. Insight is imperative.
When I was 19 and I considered becoming a nun and showed interest in religions my friends were turned off. They wanted to put me in a box and keep me the same way forever. I realized how phony and superficial our relationships were even though they seemed so awesome while I was blind. I loved them all on the deepest levels but I knew my path with them had ended. I now had my own path to follow, for the first time in my life really. When I didn't know who I was I clung to friendships which gave me a certain sense of identity. When my soul cried for higher learning I had to venture out on my own. Since I have been on the learning path for many years I kept my distance from people. I didn't want to be sucked in too close to the vortex of worldly drama and limiting belief systems. Solitude and individual exploration were crucial to my developement. I even told my husband on the first night we met that I needed lot's of space to reflect and that I didn't want to become overly involved in his worldly affairs. This was the price of being with me! I also said no kids, as it would be too big of a distraction. I was like a scientist locked in her science lab trying to A) figure out her health and B) figure out the meaning of life. Although my path took me on a sight seeing tour which included many personal battles with illness, healing modalities, and various ways of thinking, I have only recently (within the last 3 years) been on a quest to know the REAL God (not because I was avoiding truth but because I was discovering it through the process of elimination).
I'm learning everyday how to relate to people and bring meaning to the table without being the one who "died" of religion, thereby alienating myself from those who could potentially benefit from a glimmer of truth. I don't want to typecast myself as the "religious" one, yet I want it to be known what I'm representing. Now, to some religious people I might not even seem religious in the sense that they know it to be. It's confusing. I've always been the girl who wasn't quite a liberal but definitely wasn't conservative you know? I was too reserved for some and too outspoken and outrageous for others. There was and still ceases to be a definition for me, which brings us back to my point once again. God is my top priority. Conveying that in a world where God is not priority and/or those who claim God rule you out because you don't fit the typical bill is difficult. It's weird to be me, but I think God is using this in-betweenness theme in my life for a higher purpose or ultimate lesson or something. Am I making sense? I hope I'm making sense for those who need things to make sense in order to understand. I don't need things to make perfect sense in order to understand them. It's a thing. My mind is abstract. It doesn't require logic. It's all good...;-)
No comments:
Post a Comment